The love that carried me to this world

 

I was an embryo in your womb 44  years ago now you are the wide, sheltering cosmos that guards my every step."

Happy Birthday to me. On my special day, I dedicate these words to my Amma, celebrating her love, her sacrifice, and the life she gave me.

When July returned, the familiar shadow came—another year without you. I live by what you taught me, but the hollow you left remains, unfilled by anyone or any god. I kept every promise with my whole heart,I never wanted to leave you or let your sacrifice be wasted.

On July 11th, you brought me into this world. Your love gave me life that gift is the compass I carry. 

My soul keeps seeking a spiritual companion to walk beside me on the path you believed I could travel. I have stumbled and paused, trying to take the leap of faith you encouraged. I even found myself drawn to the gentle music of a face — Rajeev Khandelwal’s calm — longing for a steady presence. Yet I know I deserve a partner who will help me keep my feet steady and my heart true as I pursue my deepest purpose.

You waited for me, protected me in your womb, and sent me forth to carry our name. That legacy is mine now to continue I must carry it with the same fierce tenderness you gave me. I wish for a companion who sees the contours of my soul, who understands its wounds and its hunger, and who will walk beside me through the dark and the light.

Amma, I want your blessings and your presence more than ever. Your love is my north star — constant, luminous, and unfading. You are, and always will be, the love of my life

Always yours,

Dreamgirl Nive☘️

Amma, My Shiva—Reed Flute of My Soul

My dearest Amma, my mother, my guru, my goddess, my guiding spirit, my love, my anchor—you are my Shiva.

Our love was a sacred union steady glow in disciplined skies,
karmic light pulling souls eternally close.

To have had you in physical form,

the love you gave was tangible

in this three-dimensional world.

But the kid you raised still lives here,

missing your physical presence every day.

You've been on my mind as my comfort,

and my heart is full of you—

like the eagle spirit you always wanted me to embody,

soaring high, rising above the mundane.

I am connected to you through my prayers;

in stillness, I reach you, devoted heart aflame.

Your disciple is trying to accomplish

your unfulfilled mission, building it in isolation.

The time is near to leave the nest you built,

to reach a faraway land and build your shrine,

leading the life you envisioned.

Your wish is my wish—no duality here.

I am the body; you are my mind now,

our love weaving us as one.

Yet I miss you, Amma—your touch, your voice,

the food you fed me with boundless grace.

Why was I so lucky, I question,

to be born in your womb's holy cradle?

I am truly blessed to be your kid,

who will carry your love and healing

to faraway lands. I know you are waiting

for me on the other side, your light ever guiding.

A thought comes: how I wish

I could ring you in heaven and speak.

Then your silent inner voice answers—

You are in me; I have become you, my Amma.

In devotion's orbit, forever yours,

Your celestial child

Grandpa ❤️❤️❤️

 Happy 103 birthday 

Grandpa,Your 103rd birthday draws my heart close, hugging you across the gentle veils. You were giver and healer to every soul, touching lives with hands like soft moonlight and endless love. 

I remember you holding my small hand, walking me through Ramakrishna Ashram garden, training me to lean on spiritual strength, to surrender all. The responsibility you placed on me was huge—even as you left, I tried carrying it, offering it up in Shiva's abode. 

As Rumi whispers, what we do for ourselves fades, but what we do for others endures forever—like your gifts to us all.

Your sankalpa wove our family as one—me and Amma, holding it alive, like the dream you breathed into us. Amma joined you in heaven ten moons ago, both swaying free in Shiva's tender dance. So blessed you are there, wrapped in His quiet light together.

Thank you, Grandpa, a million times over, for her—your wonderful daughter, my guru, the warmth in my days. May you, Amma, Daddy, Chikkama, and Mama all be happy forever in Shiva's abode.

I love you forever.

Your little girl,

Promise in Time's Cup

Sweet Rascal's Warm Echo

Your caring warmth wrapped me like a soft shawl,
Nurturing my peace, guarding your family's light.

Who knew our liking ran this deep after sixteen years?

A hidden stream, now seen, but risking it would break us both.​

You are too good a flirt, sweet rascal, hitting women like me right at the sweet spot—master of words that melt, you'll always be my Maddy with that seductive voice.

Both sharing that same intense romance, wish we had known each other well sixteen years back.A promise of coffee date and kiss made then, still waiting to bloom in time's gentle hand.

When time settles us, longing still alive in our hearts,Life might bring us back as true allies, no chains.

Till then, in the quiet, our genuine warmth and desire forge strength 💜 

https://youtu.be/e0UOew2Fc-c?si=G9kNuOcfGzA7grcE 

I WILL lOVE YOU THOUSAND WAYS

Love's conversation with her Beloved, Beloved asked will you love me or leave for another Man.

 

 
Love replied, I have know you for a while now,
I know you deep like you never knew yourself before,
I know what you seek , your likes/dislike, your strength and your Weakness,
I have worked hard to understand you with all my might coz you were cold to open up.
 
I remember you and so shall our love story, which evolved beyond chaos,
Glad I stayed whenever I wanted to walk away, I knew I was paired up for a karmic purpose,
A reason beyond my understanding, then you came up with your story,
I knew the hurt of your troubled past but I saw you holding on to your past and curbing the "Now".

You were hurt many a times before but now my beloved you are with love,
She has seen you, accepted you for who you are,
She sees potential of this relationship which can evolve by seeing the strengths of each other,
Love has been hurt before but she is willing to risk herself to see her beloved grow and she says this,
Beloved just surrender to Love, for her love can heal you and take you to your purpose in life.
 

Love replied " I don't need to love a thousand men, but can love you a thousand ways".
You will be my baby, my strength to fight in life and my sweet nothing as well,
I open the doors of my ever flowing love and allow you to taste the sweet nectar,
I will show you my way, just let go the past and come with me to a new world which we can create.
 
I shall take you close to my arms, feel you and smell every breath of you,
I shall lead you to the cleansing act, I shall bathe you in milk and rose petals amidst ever burning candles and incenses,
Gently wrap you around me in the highest peak of our oceanic view, gentle breeze stroking our fragranced bodies and soothing all our hurts of the past,
While the sensual music play around us, I shall kiss and evoke your soul,
Every gentle touch leading us to the highest sensation and uniting our awakened self,
Our moments movement create the magnificent symphony, making our souls one. 
 
Love concluded when our souls becomes one, it asks for nothing and becomes one with the Universe. My love should be the strength to fight your weakness away,
Our love should bring out the best in us not the other way,
Beloved I have given my whole self in this short meeting, it's up to you to value this relationship and take it forward or make a happy ending with creating a new self of you.
 

 
 
 
 
 
I

Hold Me For A While

I know this won't last ever, so hold me for a while before the morning takes you away!!!
My shivering soul needs you like never before, coz you're the only one who can give the warmth and save me from the chain of events happening in my life.






You and I were never meant to be together but we are in each other all the time,
I protect you inside my warm heart, our love is one of a kind !!
Thou miles apart , not speaking to each other still we communicate with each other,
My soul gets its hope thinking of you ,
In distress the thought of being in your protective arms saves me!!

God gave us short span of lifetime to spend with each other,
Many a things we wanted to achieve together and do together,
But then he took you away from me! left me completely lifeless!
I gained my strength when I met the wrong ones in life.

For all the wrong people I met till date, you were  the only  right one who I met in life,
You turned my weakness into my strength,
Your presence in life is like a light house always guiding me,
God moved us apart to keep this longingness in our hearts guess for a reason,
And today I got to know why, coz that space is not worth giving anyone!!!

"Some guys feel the need to love a thousand different girls,
but a real man knows how to love one woman a thousand different ways "
You were my REAL one.

Dedicated this to you my love, "Your Bride forever"!!!!
Hold me 4 a while




 

Intruded

You did not ask, you intruded my world!!
Your long years of yearning is spent, here you will dwell only in mortality!

Anouk in her discussions with her Eternal Mate :

Anouk asks does virtue has any fate...I see none who worries about it these days.
Eternal Mate( EM), unveils a story long forgotten by Anouk i.e. "Love".
The naked truth which stands solely is "Virtue" .
“When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.”


Everyone has desired to touch only your body not your soul.
I see none making an effort to go beyond the body, they have forgotten that transcending the body exists eternity.
"Engulf my soul not my body"
Body is only a bridge connecting to the soul, do not linger in the bridge long, once it decays you cannot crossover.
Don't be a fool to think owning my body you can engulf my soul.
Move beyond the ordinary and make it extraordinary.
"Extraordinary gets its transition from ordinary".

Anouk you have transcended the ordinary, you have travelled a long distinct path alone with spirit of warrior and childlike curiosity.
You have gone beyond the known, which is seldom difficult to explain those who have not travelled your path.
You haven't met your guide in your extraordinary world, the crossroad is a pain, pain of death is nothing in front of it.
You cannot come back, coming back will irk your soul.
Only moving ahead will give you hope, you will gain strength in time.
It's time not to look back.

You're the true calling for yourself, your true spirit waits for it's culmination.
This is not the end...
It is the beginning.
You cannot falter now.
If you trust nothing else,
Trust this long forgotten virtue of yours,
"Trust love, for love, if it finds you worthy, will lead your course".




 

Dare to sail again

"Love is the cure, for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain

until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.”~Rumi

Your Ship is on its way, the arrival time has come.
Be brave to chop off the bruised branch coz it will grow again,
Let go your resentment , hurt and pain, be brave to open up again and sail coz time has come.
It's been a long wait at the anchor, you were meant to sail, time has come to move from your anchor.
Let yourself free to the winds and dare to sail to a disparate place, for it may hold the treasure chest which you have been seeking for long.

You have killed your inner child hence you no longer feel the joy of simple things which you used to relish, the feel of drenching in rain, cool breeze gently swaying your hair and kissing your cheeks. 
Wake up girl ,wake up, you aren't dead.
Feeling of love was everything to you...what happened to you now? wake up the pain is over.
All emotions including the most difficult ones exist for a reason to help you.
Move beyond your emotional pain, death is not the end it's only the beginning.

A new day has come, the day you have waited for long.
Dare to jump into the magical ship which will sail you to the far away magical land you intended.
Don't you give up on your dreams and hopes .....don't let yourself to wither away ...
Be bold to chop the branch which is infected and dare to soar to the place you always intended. 
Life's best deserve second chances, zeal ahead with new born spirit :)

I must go to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky.

And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.

Listen to your heart 

The Blessed Hour

Ah, the quite, blessed hour
The hour of union and fulfillment
The hour of joy complete!
Bereft of self,
Bereft of thought,
In dream you are real
 
My slumbering mind, breathing your lingering thoughts revive me
My heart is eager in reaching out to you
The day I see you in my dream, there abides joy and peace
 
Save a little bit of yourself for me
That I am wholly yours
And all in you I am contained.
I am lost and lost is all but in "YOU"
 
Give a little bit of yourself; it will keep all my troubles away
As each day pass by I think you weary from my mind
But how wrong I was!!
Each passing day especially during the waxing moon, you climb on my thoughts
On full lit moon you come in my dream
And stay longer and shower me with love
 
Just a little bit of your love every day is all I need!!!
And yeah you give me butterflies inside.......

Little bit of love
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Immortal

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” ~Albert Pike

 

 

 

 

Thy memory, like an unseen spirit,

Has followed me this long season of separation.

Waking in the dead silence of the night, as if touched by some hand,

I have looked for you, but in vain.

 

In city's remotest lane

Why are you hiding from me?

How long will you remain hidden?

My hope will not bid me rest.

 

With desolate heart I seek;

With a yearning heart I pray.

Will you not come at once and recreate magical moments

Will you not come and receive my love?

 

 

You will remain immortal through my write up, every time I seek you I seek new inspiration for myself Ps :) 

http://youtu.be/OX-_L8M_SIw

    

 

You are still the one i want for life

In the bright warm airy morning, a cool mist licked my face.

Cool clean air, a river of clouds.

All of sudden SO LOUDLY THE SKY SEEMED TO SPLIT,

I saw you roaring out in the sky like a thunderbolt.

You were the one for me I realized it then.

My passion for you has never ceased since then.

I hold on to you my baby!!!

Your maneuver in sea of empty space,

Makes my world still.

Your roar fills up my senses.

Every time you hover nearby I get goose bumps!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nc2d-tCvyM

As a child seeks the moon and is drawn to you.

I seek you and I’m wonder-struck all the time.

You lift my spirits up, on the tired and lonely day.

There is not a single day you have left me alone in my tough times.

You are the source of inspiration to me and the perfect one to pull me out of my loneliness. 

The science of flight what makes you fly (Take-off, Elevation, Bernoulli's principal and controls) does not fascinate me nor your technicalities.

The way you make me fly is what is I am interested.

You take off my feet from the ground making me fly (elevation for me).

Can relate you to Newton’s 2^nd law which works for me and I am imprinted on you.

Brilliant blue sky

A night sky hung with starts

In the soft evening light 

Waves of darkness

An eternal night 

JAGGED SPEARS OF LIGHTNING CRASH AROUND US WITH SUPERNATURAL ACCURACY.

You are the only one I am not tired of seeing.

You vanish all my troubles filling me with joy and hope.

You are my white whale invading the blue ocean sky.

"You take my breath away”my eternal playmate for life.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RbE_IxDzDw                                                                       

So far yet near

Holding you in my thoughts every day
Never ending conversations with you in my mind...
A feeling which feels you are around.....
But wish you were really around

Your mischievous eyes
Your loving smile!!
Your well built look
Your unruly hair, makes me go crazy.. You make me wander

It feels like I'm wanderer in the desert looking for an oasis.

I only seek a place in your arms,
Your warm broad chest is my home
I wish I could call you and let you know how much I miss....
But then I would miss the wonderful feeling of missing you!!

The longingness of the day meet its end when dusk dawns
 I meet you daily in my dream
There is a freshness when I wake up, I start my day with the distant memory of our meeting
And I hold you in my thoughts and carry on till dusk falls again :)

"Your longing for me is my message to you. All your attempts to reach me are in reality my attempts to reach you"~Rumi

                   P.S. I still wait for you :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l76QrvZ5MY

Alice in her Neverland

PS&A

 

My perfect escape, my inner peace, my joy, my very own Peter pan in the perfect gateway in our never land, how do I describe you.

You turned to be my “True North” when all hope and love was drained out of me.

Met you by chance, walked together by chance, you were the cloud filled with rain which I never knew it would pour on me.
Seldom did I knew I was getting drenched in your presence, as I walked beside you on the full moon by the seashore.
The conspiracy universe was working towards me drew closer as we walked.
You turned out to be the Pied piper, I lost my mind in your presence just went where you lead me.

The best magical moment arrived when we were floating in the middle of the sea in our small canoe watching the wonderful sunset into the sea. This was our moment's most treasured reverie to linger in our heart  for a long time…

The quiet moment far from humans & surrounded with water of eternity uplifted our tired spirits, our mystic conversations our laughs filled my heart with joy.
Getting lost in the sea with my perfect stranger was the best thing ever happened in my life.
This was our moment I felt the need for you my Pete in my life.
Wanted you to be my Peter pan to make me sail to our never land of joy, peace and love. 

This moment was enough to evoke all my lost passion.

You helped me find my lost self.

The lightning had struck and you started to pour incessantly drenching my soul which was long devoid of rain (love). You flooded me and soaked me in your love leaving me hungry for you…

When we were getting a step closer it was time to walk our own paths.

We were heading to our mundane world, parting was not easy and we sensed the need for each other

Knowing you and spending my fantasy with you was the magical moment.

You would continue to be my wonderful lingering thought.

Indeed you are my vivid thought in my vivid write-up

The best moments are not created they are predestined but these moments can be treasured for a lifetime. You are the most wonderful dream I continue to hold :).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xpf5hNMnWZM

 

Journey -By Lea salonga

I am but a traveler, in most every way
Ask me what you want...to know

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
and they're bound to guide my way  +Niveditha P 

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
what a journey it has been.

I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I'll be tomorrow,
I can only guess

Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow,
Forward always forward, I go..

What a journey it has been
and the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
and they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
what a journey it has been...

Forward, always forward...
Onward, always up...
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
and they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
what a journey it has been...

What a journey it has been...

In ecstasy

What is love if it’s not intensified with Madness?

Love acts as a bridge to all unseen and unknown places

Love is the connection to heaven and hell

Love is like a child it should be nurtured & protected from negative things

If it’s nurtured well its gateway to heaven otherwise vortex to hell  

Love has it all.

You need to connect with it and then alone the power of love will be realized.

Love is always strength never allow it to become your weakness

Power of love will make you do anything impossible

Allow yourself to engulf with its strength, because this living place can be turned into Paradise

Love with its different phases gives us test to seek its real manifestation; those who give up will be pulled into the vortex

Love makes one crazy, fearless in its First stage,

In its Second phase it makes one confused, insane with its own act

During the Third stage if one comes out stronger of the phase two, it makes one really calm, content with life and you can feel oneness with nature the perfect harmony the ultimate bliss in itself.

No longer will you see the faults of the person but the joy what they brought along and the inward journey they made us walk is the real journey of Love.

I completely agree to this “Two people when they connect with their hearts live forever”

Dedicated to MY SHIVA -My as in very beloved one

The deep rooted connection I feel with myself is when I am in your thoughts , I can feel the magnetic connectivity where I am instantly drawn towards you Lord. 
When I look back my previous years and the way I have grown in your presence and the bonding developed over years amazes me.
My connection with you as a child began in blind faith and religious practice followed at home, the prayers, mantras along with the incense stick fragrance and your picture with matted hair with water lady, half crescent moon, snake around your neck, body smeared with ash and elephant skin amused me and there was this longing developed to see you in real and continued to grow inside me.
As the years added on I started to know you a little more each year and now I understand the word GOD stands for  (Generator, Operator and Destroyer).
The meaning of the Lingam and perfect sense to the way you are dressed and lots of other things.......


But it did not stop there, my quench to understand the entire creation process was still running in my head.... My questions and doubts on the ether world existence, unknown city of mystics why people fought for God, caste issues........ & at one point in time my thoughts of you are an alien and my sleepless nights in long discussion with myself on all these things drained me .....
I was not seeing you the way I used to see you,the ignorant faith had developed to seek things in scientific way and with reasoning I felt terrible pain as I could not connect the instant way I used to and on the other hand I was in intersecting point where I saw both the circles, faith and the reason and I felt lifted up and an inner sense of calmness drew upon me and felt THIS IS IT.


In this reasoning phase and madness inside my head grandpa's words made me sane. Grandpa used to say many things about you....he said just indulge don't question just surrender to him and you will understand all ...he is beyond reason but now I know and feel what he meant.
It's like when you know something deep just surrender no point in deciphering in scientific way nor reasoning. Have understood that the best things should remain sealed because it gives everyone an opportunity to go his way to understand his meaning of life.... It's like a beautiful kiss kissed when both eyes are closed but the connectivity which each one finds in-spite of closed eyes ( my meaning of this is the best things in the world is unseen but can be felt with great intensity). 

The daily mantra or affirmation which has helped me to bring back connectivity to you is of Sri Ramakrishna and Sharada Devi's quote "It is faith in the name of the Lord that works wonders, for faith is life and doubt is death, Be sincere in your practices,words and deeds you feel blessed, his blessings are always showered on all creatures on earth it is needless to ask for it. Practice meditation sincerely and you will understand his infinite grace, God wants sincerity , truthfulness and love". 

Away from everyone

For quite sometime I have closed the door of my inner self not allowing anyone to enter my world.

Need this moment for some more time its contemplation time cannot be explained. After many years I am spending time with myself and have started to enjoy time alone with myself.

A couple of  friends have just walked with me silently along this phase without asking me anything 

A few have got irritated, agitated and withdrawn themselves seeing me like this ..... I understand that is the only way of their expression :)

I love all my dear friends and acquaintances I met during the journey, everyone had something to offer , forgive if my words or actions have brought discomfort during this phase of life

Oh gosh!! When I say this I feel like I have lived more than a thousand years on this mother earth :)  

I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens I can sense I am close to it. I've been knocking from the inside!

WHO AM I TO JUDGE

Your mystic smile, hearty laughter, extremist in your talk, not bothered about society, who lives in her inner world of reflection & seeks meaning of her existence.

You wear what you like, dress and pose to your camera which captures the real you 

You are like a child, a nomad , impulsive at times

You know for your caring, loving and friendly nature which comes naturally without an effort 

You are prankster, flirt with life,crazy, who is loud when you need to be and expressive person.

Men only see that you are attractive, you just smile take it as complement and move on cutting things straight

Each has a way to judge and tag you but you are no longer worried "YOU R WHO U R"

Who are people to judge and tag anyone when they don't know the person and their life struggles,

We judge others instantly by their clothes, their cars, their appearance, their race, their education, their social status. The list is endless. What gets me is that most people decide who another person is before they have even spoken to them. What's even worse is that these same people decide who someone else is, and don't even know who they are themselves.

But deep down your soul seeks and wanders in search of a person who can see you beyond attractiveness, beyond their judgement, hope the day soon arrives where that person sweeps you out of the world and who can travel with a nomad like you who's world is enchanting, bright and filled with life THE LIFE which is to its purest essence.

“The highest form of human intelligence is to observe yourself without judgement.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

Our Snoopy

Bundle of joy, bundle of pranks, glutton, very lovable and well behaved is what you knew for “My Snoopy”

Born on August 2005, you were a gift to me when I returned home .Snoopy was the name I gave you. You were so mischievous 3 month old when I saw you targeting my leg when I came home, I am sure I missed seeing you when you were a month and half baby, I wish I was home to be with you but you were the talk I used to talk when I was miles away eagerly waiting to return home when I heard of you.

I remember we all used to fight who would have you next to us while sleeping; you were tortured by us as you were carried from one hand to another and finally mom scolding us telling she will send you back if we fight like this

Play, play …. Eat and eat and uncontrollable you were and always used to get scolding from all  , we all used to call you goat and pull your ears to make you angry and you ensured we would topple and you would lick our ears …. You were so much  joy and fun when you were one year old….

All my friends were scared because you used to pounce on them and strangers scared of seeing your well built but seldom they knew you were a saint and we used to laugh when we saw some1 scared of you because we knew what you were … you were only lovable and adorable and entire neighbor hood knew you and they used to address us by your name…… you were in such a limelight all the time my sweetheart…..

The next bundle of joy you gave me when I returned after my surgery was your offspring, I was there the whole night with you when everyone was taking turns to watch over your delivery, you gave us that extra warmth by allowing us to help you deliver wonderful pups and unfortunately only one boy and girl survived and they were so cute .It was hard to give them off but we knew we had you.

You started to grow so matured and well behaved and I started to miss the naughty snoopy, you never liked us letting you out and we staying in and always wanted to be around us listening to our conversation, you always bought the family together you were the best part we had after loosing grandpa, which healed us.

Now whom shall I call snoopy, whom shall I kiss and say bye when I go out, who will be there to greet me when I come home, to pounce on me bite and walk with me, miss you at all lunch/snack times the way you used to sit with us… both used to have fun when my friends were scared to come home, now who will be there? You were listening ear when I used to say things when I was low, who will be there now?

I have scolded you many a times but have loved you zillion times. So fast everything happened did not realize I will loose you on this Makara Sankrathi day. You gave us all wonderful gift a gift not of joy but tears, we miss you snoop miss you from start of the day till night. May you rest in peace and attain salvation.

Aug 2005 till Jan 15 2012http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeeHywxJOeE

J. Krishnamurti Online. The official repository of the authentic teachings of Jiddu Krishnamurti

J. Krishnamurti Online. The official repository of the authentic teachings of Jiddu Krishnamurti